Today, I fufilled every man's dream of being able to brag about something worthwhile. Today, I cheated death. I'm serious here, I literally escaped unscarred from a possibly fatal accident.

Before I go on, I must explain the basic mechanics of an Espresso coffee machine.

The machine is filled with water. This water in then boiled and all the steam is held in the top, while the water drips slowly through the ground coffee into a cup. The steam is retained to make frothy milk.

Now, when the steam builds up, so does the pressure. The boiling steam gets rather excited, and quite desperate to get the hell out of there. That is why you NEVER OPEN AN ESPRESSO MACHINE WHEN IT IS BOILING. You can see where this is leading.

I had two guests round. My mate Cameo, and my girlfriend Sally. I volunteered to make us all coffee. Now, my machine has a little spout so you can make two drinks at once, a problem with there being three of us.

Well, I made mine and Sally's first, because Cam wanted his in a huge-ass cinema cup. When I got to Cam's, I refilled the coffee grind and topped up the water, then I switched it back on and went back to entertaining my guests.

At some point I glanced back towards the coffee machine and notice the water was coming out too fast and not black enough. Obviously the grind hadn't been squashed enough so the water was just trickling straight through. I pulled back the spout to compress the grind. Just as I did so, something important flicked through my mind. As I slowly pulled back the handle on the spout, the words NEVER OPEN AN ESPRESSO MACHINE WHEN IT IS BOILING jumped to mind.

BANG!

I glanced away quickly, shielding my eyes. Looking back, there was wet coffee grind everywhere. All over the kitchen. When you see this sort of thing happening on Nickelodeon, you think this isn't real, cause it isn't. But I swear to you, this looked like a cartoon. Boiling hot brown goop was sloshed over the entire room. And me.

I looked at the cup that once sat under the spout. Only the base of it remained. The rest was shattered around the room. It was only later, when cleaning everything up, and finding bits metres away from the machine, did I realise that if one of these shards had got me in the temple or eye, I would be dead. That sent quite a shiver up my spine.

But what a way to go eh? Imagine my tombstone.

Here Lies Tom Overend,
Sept 1986 - April 2004
Killed in a fatal Coffee machine explosion.

Mum always said caffiene was bad for me.